There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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