I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
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Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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