I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
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she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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