So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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