I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just invented taco cereal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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