Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
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Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
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I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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