So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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