I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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