alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize