Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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