Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
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Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
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After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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