Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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