What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
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Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
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Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize