Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize