video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
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I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
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I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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