I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
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Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
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I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I still have a little drunk in my system
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
my liver is dry heaving
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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