Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
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i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
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we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
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