So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
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Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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