but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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