things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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