i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize