I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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