How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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