I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
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