i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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