Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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