What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
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If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
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If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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