dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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