it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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