paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
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What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
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i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
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