so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
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I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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