Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
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I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
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I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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