I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
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He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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