normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
organizing the empties. That sober.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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