The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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