His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize