Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
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Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
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Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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