I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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