Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
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I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
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There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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