Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
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My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
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Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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