At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The beer is more important than you right now.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
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Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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