im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
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I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
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I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
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