Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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