i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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