Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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