Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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