This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize