How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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