Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
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We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
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His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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