Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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